Grieving

Many of you already know and to some this may come as a huge suprise- Flint's mom, Priscilla, passed away on November 24, 2008. This time has been filled to the brim with ups and downs. Many people ask how we are doing, and yes- we do not mind if you ask. It is not awkward in any way; it shows that you care. The answer is we are doing quite well, surprisingly. We still grieve her absence from us on this Earth. However, I can honestly say that there has been an overwhelming peace as well.

To give you a little more insight into her life and maybe a little more understanding of how Flint and I feel, I want to share more about Priscilla, whom I lovingly called Cilla.

Cilla was one of the most beautiful people I have ever known- on the outside as well as on the inside. I truely mean that. She had a radient smile, an amazing sense of humor (she had to afterall, she was Flint's mom!), and a heart made of pure gold. By this I mean that she was such a loyal friend and loved one- she loved her family beyond what she could ever put into words. She was oh so selfless and the most generous person I have ever known...hands down. She would literally give the shirt off her back. I know this because she did it for me once. I once complimented a top she was wearing. I told her how much I loved it...so before I knew it she had changed her outfit and the designer top was mine. How many of us can say we give up our new clothes because someone thought they were cute?!?! She did the same with handbags and shoes. I can honestly say, thanks to Cilla, my closet is much more furnished and stylish. She had amazing taste!!! We were like two peas in a pod on days when she felt well and could go shopping! But there was so much more to her than her gorgeous clothes, trendy handbags, and sassy shoes- she truely loved to give. It gave her so much joy to brighten people's days. She was the one ahead of you in the drive thru who payed for your Starbucks. She was the mom who sent Valentine's Day care packages to college or snuck cookies in the mail to the kid's camp counselors. She was the mom who hosted the weekend long Kanakuk reunions for her son's 75 camp friends to come and crash at her house...and had the t-shirts made to prove it. She was the friend who never never forgot your birthday- NO REALLY, not once in your 45 year friendship! She was the one who, seriously, made everyone who walked through the doors of her home feel welcome and loved. All of my friends adored her...and why wouldn't they. I could go on and on. You can tell that she was fun, full of life, genuine, thoughtful, caring, and AMAZING! Like I said, she had a heart of gold. Too, bad her heart was not stronger. Over the last ten years she has battled with a heart that continually failed her. There were many good days mixed in, but there were just as many days that she felt horrible. There were many days that we did not know if she would make it to the next. I can honestly say, that I never ONCE heard her complain. She lived each day to the fullest. She was thankful for today and what it brought. The last year of her life was a hard year. She knew her body was failing her, and we knew that she was not doing well. So, we took the lesson that she had taught us and made the most of our time with her, for we knew it was limited.

A little side note, for those of you who do not know, Flint's family happens to be in Fort Worth which is less than an hour and a half from us. Many of you may struggle with God's plans in your life. But, I can tell you today that HE is sovereign. That means that HE has the perfect plans and the perfect timing. We would have never in a million years made the choice to move to Waco, but God knew better. HE knew we needed to be physically close to Fort Worth and to Cilla. Though the last few months of her life were exhausting from all of the going back and forth to care for her, I would not trade one second of it. It is precious time that I can not have back. I am so thankful that we were so close to her. I am so thankful for the talks we had, for the lunches we shared, for the ice cream dates, the vacations we went on, spending the holidays with her.... Most importantly, I am thankful for HER and the impact that she had on my life. Luckily, I had almost seven years to have Cilla in my life. As one of her friends was quoted saying in the memorial service, "Everyone should have a Cilla in their life." Boy, was she right!!! Cilla taught me to love others and see them through eyes like Jesus does. She taught me to soak in everything. To be thankful for whatever I have and to be thankful for wherever I am...there is always a reason. She taught me to live without complaining. She taught me to always have fun (not that I had a problem with that!) She taught me many things about being a good wife and mother. I strive to be more like her in many ways. I think I am a better person because she has been a part of my life.

I wanted to share this song. It has always been one that I have loved. It quickly became my theme song after we moved to Waco and started battling the storms. It was, ironically, one of the songs that Cilla requested to be a solo at her memorial service. Listen to the words...they are amazing.



So, you ask how we are doing. Some days are hard. It is more the little things that remind you of her and those are the emotional times. Obviously, the holidays are hard. I wish, many days, I could call her on the phone and talk to her. Having a baby is something that I wish oh so badly she were here to experience with us. But, even as much as she loved us or our Little Baby Harris that is soon to join our family, or as much as she loved Christmas and traveling NOTHING would make her want to come back to this earth and live like she was. Wanting her here is purely selfish. I rest fully in knowing that she is in the arms of Jesus. She is happier than any happiness we have ever known. That brings me peace...peace that passes all understanding!