Thursday, October 23, 2008

Providence

I wish I were writing about a trip we took to Providence, RI to see the leaves change to vibrant hues of red, orange, and gold. Or writing about our trip to Providence Hospital, here in Waco, to take our birthing class. Oh no, God has been working in the lives of the Harris family in much greater ways.

I hate telling really personal things on the internet...not that I do not love and trust all you, bloggy friends. I think it makes things more real and me more vulnerable. However, I know that many of you are very supportive and are prayer warriors. With that being said, let me just start this story by getting to the heart of the matter. Last week we had a big scare...if gross stories are not for you, stop reading now and skip to the lesson learned part of the story. I started bleeding... not a little. Every mommy-to-be's nightmare!!! Like anyone else would do, I called my doctor. They asked me protocol questions and did not seem to be overly alarmed. I was told if the situation got worse; I was to go to the hospital that night. If it was not getting better by morning and if I started cramping; I was to come in the next day. Well, it got better, THANK YOU JESUS, and eventually stopped. Still the worrying mommy inside of me wanted confirmation that everything was alright and that Little Bit Harris was still cooking away! So, Friday morning before Flint left for Stillwater with the football team, I insisted that we go ahead and go to the doctor. I did not want something to get worse while Flint was out of town for the weekend. So, we went to the doctor. They first checked for the heartbeat. We immediately heard it and that was the most emotional I have been at one of our doctor visits thus far. They then did a mini ultrasound. We saw our little one on the big screen and I was just plain beautiful! I was eventually diagnosed with having had some of my placenta break off. Apparently, I had been "overdoing it". I was then instructed to get in bed and stay there for a few days and after that to take it easy...really easy. Which does not come easy for me. I promise I am getting to the point of my story.

So, I had a few days alone. By myself. In bed. Just me and God (and of course Sophie and Katie, who are my little love bug, puppy dogs!) I did a lot of thinking and praying and praising God. A word that He has repeatedly laid on my heart and mind this fall is "Providence". I did a little research on the word and it's true meaning is:

1. foreseeing care and guidance of God (or nature) over the creatures of the earth. (we will stick to the God part)
2. God when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence.

This word has come up in my BSF lessons several times over the last seven weeks. One paragraph from a lesson a few weeks back said
"God is the God of providence, the God of every circumstance, however great or small. The God who guides the stars also directed the steps of Pharaoh's daughter who came to the Nile to bathe at this spot and at this moment."
This is referring to Pharaoh's daughter finding baby Moses in the Nile, saving his life, and ultimately playing a part in the big picture of Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt.

God's Providence.

The lesson went on to say
"we need to trust God in all circumstances, not just the pleasant ones." Just as Moses' mom, Jochebed, did.
"Job knew this and said 'Though he may slay me, yet I will hope in him' Job 13:15."

I have been convicted. I begged and begged for God to keep my child safe. Instead, I should have been praying, "Lord, not my will but thine be done." What a hard lesson to learn. God does not do anything without purpose. This is NOT a new concept to me, it has just become more and more of a reality as I have studied the life of Moses and after facing my own adversity.

I have another confession. We have not been real happy since we have moved to Waco. There, I said it. Not that there is anything wrong with Waco. It really gets a bad wrap. It is more than that. Flint's job has been a tough situation, we still have a house for sale in Northwest Arkansas, and to make matters worse, we have been stripped of all of our friends and family that we were surrounded by and are being forced to make new friends. I know this may seem caddy and in the whole scheme of life, it probably is. However, I do not feel that HE makes mistakes and HE made both Flint and I to love and to need others- after all, we are called to have fellowship with other believers.

Yep, you guessed it. God is dealing with me again. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us. He promises to provide. I know that He has not brought us to Waco to leave us and I know that we are not here without good reason.

God's Providence.

I know that solitude is a gift from God. Through this time He is teaching. I have learned just how fragile life is as I begin to feel Little Bit Harris move and kick around and as I watch my mother-in-law fight for her life. The Lord has shown me that He giveth and He can also take way. For the first time in my life, I have been stripped of that which is comfortable and that which I love. I miss my home, my family, and my friends. However, I have never felt more blessed. I am learning that it is not about my timing; it is ALL about God's timing. I am learning what it means to have complete dependence on my Savior-

God's Providence.

I am thankful.

18 comments:

Rebecca Taylor said...

I love this post! Thank you for sharing! I will be praying for you two and your precious baby.

I know how you feel about moving...I'm not head over heels for the town we're living in either, but I know that the Lord has the perfect plan for us and for yall too!

Laura Ann said...

Praying for you this evening and that sweet baby too. Thanks for sharing your heart in your post.

MiMi said...

Thank you for sharing your heart in this post. Praying for you and your precious little one.

Kelly said...

OH I'm praying for you Rebekah. I'm so sorry for that horrible scare. I'm glad you got much needed rest and much needed time with God. I know this has been a hard year for ya'll and I know there is a purpose in it. I also know that God will not have you there forever. That's the good news!

davidcatherinewilson said...

Hey Rebekah, ahhh I hate to hear stories like that! I am so glad that your baby is snug as a bug. I can see now how Moses' story is the perfect timing for you! Me too! I am learning a lot. I miss our group from last year too!I will be praying for you and your little one. Please take it easy!

Kelly Crenshaw said...

You are an amazing woman Rebekah and I learn from you everyday. I'm so sorry our conversation was cut short earlier in the week but know that you are on my mind and in my heart. I miss you bunches and hope to see you soon. I am so blessed to call you my friend.

The Allens said...

That was a wonderful post and I am very thankful you shared it.

gtown1 said...

Thanks for sharing Rebekah.
Call me sometime I'd love to chat since I can relate. Love, Walker's Mom :)
2547026746

PS- Just because I have recently moved from Waco gotta give it props as you know I LOVED it...it's an amazing place to raise a family! That's a positive.
Praying for you--hope we can talk soon...Sic Em Always!

Shannon said...

What a great post! Glad everything turned up ok!

Amy said...

I so wish we were in the same town so we could hang out and have coffee. I SO understand this post in so many ways...the providence thing I deal with EVERY day. I keeping hoping God will bless us with a baby, but in His providence, He might know that isn't right for us in some way that I can't possibly see!

Then, the moving thing...we've moved 4 times in 4 years and it's such a lonely situation at times. Even though we've met some good people here, I still miss my family and friends from "home".

Also, our house has been on the market in Memphis since March and still hasn't sold...even though we supposedly got a buy in the works.

Praying for you, girl. You really spoke to my heart. I've had such a cloud over my head (b/c of such similar things) and it helped to lift it when I read what God was teaching you and looked at things from your perspective!!!

Leigh said...

Bless you! You will be in my prayers. And you certainly know, to give it to the Lord, allow him to determine your steps. Perhaps a door will open to take you elsewhere. And time. Time is good. Rest, friend and be well. I am praying for you.

Katie said...

Rebekah,

You are so right, girl. I am learning that "life" happens when you least expect it. Wow. I am so glad nothing surprises GOD! What an encouragement to know that GOD is the GOD of every circumstance. Thanks for the reminder.

I'm just sorry we weren't able to touch base more in Fville. I will be praying for you and Flint to find some GODly fun friends. I know it can be tough to start over.

I'm SO happy that the baby is ok. Take is easy, girl! Thanks for praying for me this week.

Corby and Lauren said...

We just want y'all to know that we are praying for y'all and your sweet baby! I'm so glad that everything is okay, but I'm sure it was so scary for you! We are so thankful to have friends like you, and we can't wait for our babies to be best friends!!! Hope to see you soon!

Rachel said...

Speaking as someone who has known you for a while, I am so blessed to see how you have grown with the Lord. You are not alone, girl! It is so easy to fall into the trap of wanting our own will in so many situations. Just recognizing that God is the one in control, and that you are resting in his promises and desires for your life is such an encouragement to your friend :)

Praying for you and your family!

Amber and Trent Haynes said...

I love you Mrs. Harris and your ability to see God's purpose in such a scary time. Trent and I will be praying for you guys. And if you ever get too lonely-we are always looking for a good road trip!

Jessica said...

What a touching post. Sweet girl, I am praying for you. I'm SO thankful your baby is okay. I know moving is hard as well. Your transparency is so humbling and Godly. He hears us when we cry to Him. I know God has a hand on things- trust in that. He will take care of you.

Robin said...

I'm so glad everything turned out to be ok. I can't imagine how scary that would be! I'll be praying for you.

Ham Family said...

I am keeping you in my prayers -- what a scare! And what a great blog! You made me realize how silly it is that I haven't made it up to Waco to see you yet. Maybe we can get together soon & join up... I miss you!!